Peter's Denial

There is something beautiful that I have discovered in this short narrative. The maidservant told Peter that ‘he must be one of the disciples of Jesus, and it was followed with two others, but Peter denied right away, and he even swore that he did not know anything about Jesus.

Here, Peter denied his identity, especially with his connection with Jesus, who was supposed to be his foundation. Peter loses not only his identity but also his dignity. He has been with Jesus for at least three years, how can he afford to deny Jesus when in fact, people are seeing them together every day? “I don’t know him!” A total denial of the Lord and of himself, which actually means, ‘I am nobody!’ He was lost and he has nowhere to go. He was enveloped with fear.

Then the cock crowed and the Lord looked straight at Peter. I could imagine the encounter. It must be shameful! The prediction of the Lord came true, and he was there face to face with the Lord. He, shivering with fear and guilt, and Jesus trembling with pains, so sorry for Peter, and yet, He looked at Peter with all love and compassion

I could imagine myself. Jesus looking at me with eyes of love and compassion. I need to! I have to identify myself on Christ, especially on the cross where he is hanging. My identity is there. My dignity is there hanging on the cross. Without the cross, what is the meaning of my missionary life? The Crucified Christ is the mirror where we could see our lives again, be reconciled and healed.
The encounter of Peter with Christ was an encounter of love. It is basically the same with our encounter with Christ; it is of love, a meeting of two hearts in love. It is the experience of total love of God for me, no matter how sinful I am. The love of Christ is poured upon, upon my misery. The torn body of Christ, bathed with blood heals my misery.

The encounter with Christ renewed Peter. He was given life again. It was a renewal of discipleship. It is the renewal of my discipleship. The cross brought me to an understanding of the Cross: ‘Look Raul how I paid for your sins!’

Incorporation Of Souls

I sat silently and with closed eyes, I imagined the Blessed Sacrament like a torch, giving light to my wandering mind. I was a bit disturbed and so I tried to settle down and reflected what my soul is going through in the past days. Suddenly, in seconds, flashed in my mind the idea of ‘incorporation of souls’, which many mystics must have experienced. I am far from being a mystic, and I am not worthy to be one. But I felt that deep inside me, I was communicating, something I don’t know, and something I could not explain. All I know is that my soul was communicating in deep silence.

I thought of it another day
And I realized that when I offer God the people I have met during the day,
When I think of them dearly
And place them into His care
That means ‘incorporation of souls.’

That when I move around the villages
Be one with the people and living in their poverty
And when I carry them all with enthusiasm and joy
That is ‘incorporation of souls.’

Incorporation means ‘merging’,
It is ‘absorption’; it is ‘integration’,
It is ‘oneness’- there is a crazy thought as ‘amalgamation’- to join up.
When I place people into the Hands of the Lord, that means I integrate my soul with them.

Above all, I understood
That when I give my own soul into His care,
My soul does not belong to me anymore, but me in Him,
Because both our souls are incorporated into one.
Therefore, I took it as my personal challenge,
That when I pray, it should make my soul free and empty,
So that we could be incorporated,
Me to be filled up by Him and Him to absorb my soul.

I looked back from a distance and I felt shame because I am far from spiritual incorporation.
My soul is too vain.
But I realized too that if Jesus allowed to be one with my soul,
Even with the stain of sinfulness,
He could still make my soul bright and polished.