Mission of Peter

Do you love me? …. Feed my lambs…

I could imagine the weight of the question. Raul, do you love me? It is such a question, not of doubt, but of certainty of God’s love. Three similar questions but in different tone and intensity. Peter was made of God’s love. He was anointed once again to become a disciple….”Come and follow me…!”

But, what about you Raul? I asked myself. How far do I love God? It is something really. How could my little soul answer such a heavy question? Yes I do! My soul was made an object of God’s love! That’s it! He made me think not just of simple loving, but deeper loving. I cannot love God more than He loves me. His love is beyond compare. Even if I have thousands of lives and love them tenderly, I cannot compare it with the love of God for me.

Jesus asked me if I love Him because He wanted to see if I have understood that deep love, that fullness of love that opens love, that generous love. When Christ loves, he loves no boundary or whatsoever. Jesus asked me at least three times because He knows it is impossible for me to love like him, but also I am so human in my answer, so he wanted to bring my soul to the spiritual level of loving- to give myself to Him and to others, without measure. Even if I am sinful, he knows that I cannot give more, but He takes away my weaknesses, even the dark spots of my life, that I may love in a higher and deeper degree.

Raul do you love me? Yes Lord, You know that I love you… Then, surrender yourself to me. I don’t need your sins and misgivings and mistakes and shortcomings. I have forgiven you and I only want you, your inner being, your heart, your soul, your feelings, emotions. I want your totality.

Jesus, by asking me such questions, re-anointed me too of a new vocation- “Go then and commit yourself. Move and be free!” It seems like that He is telling me, ‘Get lost of yourself and be free with me!’

Peter's Denial

There is something beautiful that I have discovered in this short narrative. The maidservant told Peter that ‘he must be one of the disciples of Jesus, and it was followed with two others, but Peter denied right away, and he even swore that he did not know anything about Jesus.

Here, Peter denied his identity, especially with his connection with Jesus, who was supposed to be his foundation. Peter loses not only his identity but also his dignity. He has been with Jesus for at least three years, how can he afford to deny Jesus when in fact, people are seeing them together every day? “I don’t know him!” A total denial of the Lord and of himself, which actually means, ‘I am nobody!’ He was lost and he has nowhere to go. He was enveloped with fear.

Then the cock crowed and the Lord looked straight at Peter. I could imagine the encounter. It must be shameful! The prediction of the Lord came true, and he was there face to face with the Lord. He, shivering with fear and guilt, and Jesus trembling with pains, so sorry for Peter, and yet, He looked at Peter with all love and compassion

I could imagine myself. Jesus looking at me with eyes of love and compassion. I need to! I have to identify myself on Christ, especially on the cross where he is hanging. My identity is there. My dignity is there hanging on the cross. Without the cross, what is the meaning of my missionary life? The Crucified Christ is the mirror where we could see our lives again, be reconciled and healed.
The encounter of Peter with Christ was an encounter of love. It is basically the same with our encounter with Christ; it is of love, a meeting of two hearts in love. It is the experience of total love of God for me, no matter how sinful I am. The love of Christ is poured upon, upon my misery. The torn body of Christ, bathed with blood heals my misery.

The encounter with Christ renewed Peter. He was given life again. It was a renewal of discipleship. It is the renewal of my discipleship. The cross brought me to an understanding of the Cross: ‘Look Raul how I paid for your sins!’